Raw Emotion

I have used this blog for Forever Friends partially as a advertising tool for us and partially as a journal.  Working through some of the things that make it challenging to be part of FFOH and some of the things that make it great. 

This was one of those days it was both. 

To begin I will tell some of the back story.  My number has always been associated with Forever Friends.  Applicants call me directly to discuss help, help with filling out the forms, and any questions they may have.  This wasn't a big deal in the beginning because we didn't get many calls. 
As FFOH grew, I got more calls.  Some of these calls leave me reeling emotionally.  I get the feeling that some of these women just need to tell their whole story to someone. 

When bad things happen to us we don't always tell the whole story to everyone we meet.  Think about it with me.  We don't tell our families about our financial struggles because we don't want to burden them.  We don't tell our doctor about how we feel emotionally about all that is happening.  Some of our friends shy away from some of the more intense emotional side of it all.  Some people distance themselves completely.  We don't tell our husbands the whole story of the pain and discomfort.  We camouflage "I'm fine, it's not that bad, I'm okay."  We do not unleash the whole story on everyone we meet.  We can't.  You can't tell the lady in the supermarket isle about your feelings.  You can't tell your mother about the change in your sex life because of what if going on.  You can't tell your boss about your financial troubles. 

So sometimes when these women call me they begin slowly with a couple of questions, tentatively.  It sometimes turns into an emotional blood letting so to speak.  With them telling me things they wouldn't tell anyone else.  This raw emotion is very difficult to deal with.  Even though I feel like crying with them, I don't.  I just listen.  Even though I sometimes feel like driving to their house and fixing it all, I know I can't. 

I had asked at a meeting to have my number removed from the website, to encourage people to email instead.  I was having a tough time dealing with the emotion.  The rawness of it all.  My board, always willing to back me up, agreed.  No one wants me to burn out because I am overloaded.  Then this happened-

A woman came up to me after a fundraiser.  She introduced herself and then started to cry.  She thanked me for all I had done for her.  I asked if we helped her.  She said yes but that we had never given her any money.  She told me that she called me a few years ago.  That I talked to her and made her feel so much better.  She said she never did apply but just knowing that we were there to help her made everything better.  She thanked me for listening, for taking the time to talk to her. 

Here's the kicker.  I didn't remember her.  I have talked to so many women, over so many years.  But it made me even more aware of what we do.  The best part of FFOH is the fact that we are people, not an organization.  We are people you can talk to, women there when you need us.  Women who can actually really help.  Sometimes that help is just someone to listen.  I just didn't think about it like that. 

I never did contact the web designer to take my name off the page.  Just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Now I know why.  I know now I have to share some of the raw emotion with the rest of the board.  This should help with the weight of the emotional pressure. 

I am grateful everyday for all I get to do with FFOH.  Today more than ever.   The woman I talked to today just needed to know we could help.  We can.  Today her day is better.  I feel grateful but weepy.  I feel so sorry for the woman today.  Her story very similar to Theresa.  Stopped me in my tracks.  I hope that our strength will be part of what will help her through. 

"And there but by the grace of God, go I." 

Thank you all.